


I Want My Hat Back

by jenofvengerberg



Category: Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Sorry Not Sorry, based on a book
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-24
Updated: 2014-07-24
Packaged: 2018-02-10 05:24:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2012631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenofvengerberg/pseuds/jenofvengerberg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Boone would really like his beret back, please.</p><p>(based on the book of the same name. I am genuinely surprised this hasn't been done yet??)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Want My Hat Back

It was a lovely morning in the Lucky 38 Presidential Suite when Craig Boone made a terrible realization: his hat was gone. And like any self-respecting 1st Recon, he wanted it back.

 

He started by asking Raul.

"Have you seen my hat?"

Without even looking up from his workbench, Raul said, "Sorry, gringo, I ain't seen it."

"...thank you anyway."

 

Next, he asked Arcade, "Have you seen my hat?"

The medic gave him a long glance from behind his thick glasses, and shrugged, saying, "Actually, you look a lot more handsome without it."

"Okay." Boone said stiffly, shuffling out of the bathroom, "Thank you anyway."

 

He stared down Veronica next, asking, "Have you seen my hat?"

The Scribe pulled up the hood of her tunic, scowling. "Why ask me? It's not like the Brotherhood need to salvage or anything. Why would I need a silly NCR hat?"

Cass just had to chime in, tipping her straw Stetson to the sniper, "I don't need your lame fucking beret. My hat's better."

Boone grit his teeth at the girls and replied, "Thanks anyway."

 

Taking a chance, Boone asked Lily: "Have you seen my hat?"

"Aww, sweetie." she piped up in that oddly-nurturing growl of hers, "Grandma can knit you a new hat if you want!"

Tempted as he was, he answered her with a resounding "No, thank you."

 

He even tried asking Victor, "Have you seen my hat?"

"Well dang, pardner! I see many a' fine head gear on the sharp-dressed residents of this here Vegas Strip... why, this ol' cowboy even once saw a go-getting piece of cranial wear full o' feathers from winged critters before the Great War, with a-"

"My hat doesn't look like that." interjected Boone. "Thanks anyway." 

 

Knocking on the hard metal of the Eyebot's shell, Boone asked, "Have you seen my hat?"

ED-E merely floated a few inches from his face and let out a series of quizzal beeps, then floated away in an attempt to garner attention from the crew's ghoulish repairman.

"Thank you anyway," Boone grumbled to the dead air in front of him, before succumbing to his frustration and laying on the floor. He stretched across the centre of the soft carpet in the suite's central room, contemplating his troubles. None of the other "trusted" companions had seen his hat. He couldn't help but let the anxieties of a veteran sweep across him. What if his hat was gone, stolen in the middle of the night like Carla? What if he never saw it again? What if it was never found, or worse, found and bartered off to the robots at Gun Runners?

He sighed curses at the ceiling, missing his poor hat almost as much as his old life, almost as much as Manny and his wife and the rest at Novac before--

 

"What's the matter?"

His stupor of angst was alleviated by a woman's voice. He glanced upwards to see their ring leader, Courier Six staring down at him. Across her freckled face she frowned with concern. The CyberDog at her heels shared her sentiments, padding forward and gently rubbing a wet nose across Boone's furrowed forehead.

He'd tried to keep his dirty laundry from her before to no avail, and he admitted bitterly:

"Lost my hat. Nobody here's seen it. Starting to think everything good to me gets swiped away. Maybe it's what I deserve."

Six stared at the ceiling, parroting his curses to the heavens. Her face was blushed the same shade as her freckles when she stared back down at him,

" _Shit._ I was out collecting bounty this morning, needed to nab Violet for the caps. Must've grabbed your hat on the way out."

From the top of her mass of scarlet curls she procured a beret that was almost the same colour, emblazoned with the image of a bear's skull. Six flopped it onto her comrade's chest before slinking towards her room with the dog in tow.

"My bad." she muttered, almost sheepish if he hadn't known how many kills she had by now.

Boone rocketed to his feet, beret back on his shaved head. Raul could have sworn the guy was moving faster than his own bullets in the process.

"Don't do it again." he shot back at the Courier, glaring until she drew closed her door for much-needed rest.

Yeah. Boone loved his hat.

 

Arcade muttered to the girls, "Wait, doesn't the boss keep her stuff in her own room? When would she have been able to grab his hat?"

"Oh, she didn't." chirped Veronica. She fiddled with her hood, the burlap fabric flopping backwards on her head just enough to make the felt of a tarnished red beret visible.

Cass shoved the hood back in place and hissed, "Don't you _dare_ say a goddamn word."

**Author's Note:**

> I might have just joined AO3 to torment the world with my Fallout crackfic, who knows? 
> 
> *does a backflip out the window*


End file.
